Why Do People Continue In Stressful Relationships?

on Monday, 26 March 2012. Posted in Relationships, Mental Health Written By: Shruti Gaddam

Why Do People Continue In Stressful Relationships?

Often we come across people, some quite close to us as well; those who are stuck in relationships that bring them nothing but sadness, depression and continuous frustration. Looking at them one is forced to wonder why would someone choose to be in such a messy mental state and not break free? Why two people who have nothing in common but the incompatibility and misunderstandings need to continue in a stressful relationship?

Well, to think of it, human emotions were never simple. In fact, when in stress we often weave such a complex web around us, that light at the end of the tunnel seems very hazy. A lot of people cannot get out of stressful relationships despite wanting to and many others try to continually work things out without realizing that nothing is actually working.

People get involved with each other because they nurture mutual feelings. Sometimes, emotions such as love, care and concern draw blinds over a people’s sense of judgment and they fail to recognize impending disasters. People concentrate on the positive aspects and prefer to shut away the negative ones.

So, although one might be getting stressed and stifled in a relationship, the once existing soft corner for a partner is something they continue to nurture, even if the love is long gone. While this is what might keep the relationship going; it ends up doing more harm than good.

The question here is “Is it worth it?” A third person would probably say no. But for the people actually involved in the relationship, the good and happy moments spent together might be worth the pain and stress.

Another important aspect that cannot be ignored is the social stigma associated with separation. Although the modern society has progressed in terms of moral values, broken relationships are still viewed from a different perspective, which is often negative. In fact, social values have such a powerful influence on people that they prefer to suffer rather than break free and lead independent lives.

Also, when two people are involved with each other, they grow mutually dependent for emotional security. So, the thought of calling it quits terrorizes them into feeling grossly insecure and scared. The thought of independence often becomes too difficult to handle when one gets used to sharing one’s life with someone for years together.

Physical trauma, mental harassment, emotional torture and in some cases, financial abuse are disregarded in the light of the looming fear and panic of loneliness. After a while of being in a relationship, one may even develop a protective instinct for their partners. And if you have had kids as well, making personal sacrifices for their sake sounds more logical.

Upbringing and home environment during childhood play a major role in such situations. People who are taught to be submissive tend to put up with the many atrocities that they suffer in unhappy relationships. If they have seen their mothers be the silent sufferers, they are more than likely to turn out to be one.

There are umpteen reasons as to why people hang on in relationships that are neither fulfilling nor bring them any joy. If misunderstandings can be sorted out, there can be nothing more beautiful. But if there is nothing left to solve, such relationships are tough not only on the couple but on everyone who are their near and dear. Calling it quits under such circumstances can be a favour on a lot of people, besides themselves.
 

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